Trust Me, I Got This: Dear Daily Campus

"Trust Me, I Got This" is a weekly column by staff writer and senior Christopher McDermott on surviving senior year, guided solely by this unconventional advice.

Dwight Schrute settles for conventional employment. (Photo courtesy of Glogster)

Dear Daily Campus,

My parents have always pressured me to pursue a career in art history, but my real passion is for corporate accounting. I remember growing up all the other kids would be satisfied with their art homework while I had my head in a spreadsheet all the time. Can I follow my dreams without disappointing my parents?

Sincerely, Liquid Assets

Dear “Liquid Assets,”

Much like accounting, the best decisions in life are made by meticulous attention to Excel spreadsheets. Try to amass a pro-con list and consider everything:

I can’t personally attest to the job market for accountants at the moment, but I’m sure that with the right industrious attention to detail, and passion for conventional employment, you can make it.

And think about compromises: Would it work out for you to be an art teacher during the day while moonlighting as a CPA? Anything is possible in the 21st century.

Ultimately, do the assets of your passion outweigh the liabilities of your situation? Only you can make that calculation, reader. Only you can make that calculation.

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Dear Daily Campus,

My freshman-year roommate experience has been terrible. I was geared up to really test myself this year and have some character-building conflict, but my roommate turned out to be the nicest guy. We’re best friends; I hate him for it. I was so ready to blast my Nickelback playlist in the morning, to gerbil-sit for my grandma every other Thursday, to use his bed as a worktable for my homemade pickles. But he’s all reasonable and easygoing! How can I get the right proportions of unhappiness to really flesh out my freshman year?

Sincerely, Passive-Aggressive Post-it Notes

Dear “Passive-Aggressive Post-it Notes,”

Life can be disappointing sometimes. Many of those disappointments come in unexpected ways. That’s what makes them disappointments.

But I think this is a problem you can solve yourself. Approach it like the great artists and moody teenagers of history: If life fails to give you lemons, squeeze orange juice into your eyeballs.

There are tons of opportunities to manufacture conflicts and fiascos in everyday life, especially at college! Have you considered getting your statistics professor to hate you? Maybe working at a dining hall? Or you could talk politics with your Uncle Walter? He has tons of time and animosity on his hands that he’s just waiting to share with the world! It’ll be great for both of you.

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Dear Daily Campus,

I usually make a point to nod curtly to the student sitting next to me in my 8 a.m., but this morning I was in a good mood so I accidentally smiled and said, “Good morning!” I’m stressing out about it. What if they expect me to start being friendly and human every morning?

Sincerely, Decaffeinated

Dear “Decaffeinated,”

I’m glad you reached out about this early. It’s always important to keep small issues from becoming major problems.

The best thing you can possibly do: Next class, wrap your head in gauze and get a pair of thick sunglasses. Sit in a completely different spot in the classroom. Be as vague as possible, but strongly imply that you were in some kind of amnesia-triggering accident.

The ploy will work even better if you change up the specific kind of accident you were in depending on the day you’re asked about it: Tuesday, say you were in a longboard accident, Thursday you were mauled by a groundhog, the following week it was a brief state of catatonic arrest after your arrogant little sister got into the dream school you were rejected from.

Whatever happens though, you have to commit! Or after four weeks or so you can just drop the act and pretend it never happened. That’s the best way to wrap it up.

Anything to keep from accidentally making friends, am-I-right?


Christopher McDermott is the news editor for The Daily Campus. He can be reached via email at christopher.mcdermott@uconn.edu.