Everyday we wake up hoping it’s a little warmer and a little less slushy outside. With April on the horizon we can’t help but look forward to sunny days, dartys and yes, oh yes, finals. But before finals comes that 2-to-3 week stretch of time where you stop having assignments and are supposed to focus on getting your study guides together. While that always seems like a great plan on Monday mornings, by noon on Thursday you’re already planning your weekend and how you’re, “totally going to study during the day Sunday.”
Right. Like I haven’t heard (said) that one before.
Before those miraculous 15-ish days commence, however, you are still stuck with back-to-back assignments looming over your head and listening to the voice inside your head saying, “c’mon Jacqueline, just sit down and do it.” That voice does have a point but so does the other voice, on the other shoulder saying the following:
1. Cook something really intricate
Yesterday I spent the first half of my day cooking chicken noodle soup from scratch. Let the record show I also had 2 papers to write and needed to study for both a quiz and an exam.
2. Start watching a series on Netflix
Over Spring Break I started watching How To Get Away With Murder on Netflix. I am now unable to stop amidst all of the work previously mentioned above.
3. Do homework that isn't due for a really long time
You know, like when you start that extra credit paper that’s due at the end of the semester to balance out the C you’re about to get on your impending exam.
4. Pick out your outfits for the week
In all fairness this does give you more time every morning for things like sleeping in and actually eating breakfast but alas it detracts from your time doing real work.
5. Blow dry/straighten/curl your hair
Again, this helps with the next morning’s work in the bathroom. Also, you will look pretty as you frantically start studying the midnight before your 10 a.m. exam.
6. Calculate your expected GPA
Here is one way to absolutely freak yourself out about grades. I can recommend a plethora of sites for calculating lowest possible grades for maintaining an A or just finding out if you might make Dean’s List. Hit me up.
7. Look up workout routines (but don't do them)
You can add these workouts to your calendar with your planned outfits. Or you can just not do them, whatever.
8. Edit your Instagram aesthetic
Because getting that consistent feed is so essential to your online vibe.
9. Call all your friends at other schools
It’s important to check in with your best friends from high school! Keep telling yourself that!
10. Clean your entire apartment/dorm/house
This is, ironically, necessary and somewhat productive. My mom always says a messy desk equals a messy mind. Therefore I must need to clean my entire apartment in order to study. That math makes sense, right?
11. Apply for jobs for which you don't have time
Yeah, apply for jobs at the library, the gym, a contributing writer at an online magazine. You definitely don’t have the time to commit to a new position but hey who cares?
12. Fill in your calendar with upcoming assignments/events
Similar to the “do homework that isn’t due for a long time” except this procrastination method helps plan future procrastination by really mapping out when you have time to not do work.
13. Convince yourself you're never going to get a job
This happens after you procrastinate all day and realize that was not the brightest idea. Whoops, down the dark path we go.
14. Read reviews for different shampoo and conditioner
This one was recommended by a friend and the reviews can be interchangeable with any product. Interested in vegetable soap? No? Read its review anyways.
15. Make memes and laugh at them by yourself
This is an activity I partake in regardless of my homework situation. Maybe you’re the only one who thinks your memes are funny but that’s ok.
16. Backstalk your own Facebook
Another fun way to fling yourself into a pile of regret. Who let me buy that ruffle shirt? Why did I ever get side-bangs? Is that blue eyeshadow on my lower-lash line? Who even is that next to me?
17. Watch videos of animals doing things
Pick an animal. Google it. Voila, hours of endless procrastination.
18. Design an entire home on Pinterest
I’m talking every room, every piece of furniture, every wallpaper and decorative vase. Really get in there, champ.
19. Cut up all the fruits and veggies in your fridge
Again, slightly productive! It’s kind of like meal prep except there’s no actual cooking involved.
20. Write a column about procrastination
Oh, the irony.
Jacqueline Devine is a campus correspondent for The Daily Campus. She can be reached via email at firstname.lastname@example.org.