How to stop being single and get ready to mingle: Evaluating your relationship

You need someone who makes you smile and tells you you’re wonderful. Otherwise, it’s not worth it. (Christian Gonzalez/Flickr Creative Commons)

There comes a time in every relationship where things begin to become a little stagnant or strained. This can happen in a relationship that has been going on for years, months or even just a couple weeks. It isn’t even exclusive to romantic relationships; friends can feel this too. It just means that you and your partner, or just you alone, have to sit down and evaluate how you’re feeling about things. Here are some questions you should ask yourself:

“Is this making me happy?”

If you’re not happy when you’re with your partner, then something isn’t right. Maybe they say things that bring you down, or maybe they skip dates you had planned. If they make you feel bad about yourself or make you unhappy most days, then you need to leave that relationship. Toxic relationships aren’t healthy. You need someone who makes you smile and tells you you’re wonderful. Otherwise, it’s not worth it. This doesn’t mean you should break up with them necessarily, but it does mean you need to have a serious talk about how they treat you.

“Can I see this relationship going any farther?”

If your relationship is doing well, maybe it’s time to talk to your partner about taking the next step. Maybe that means officially calling yourselves boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe it means moving in together or proposing. Figure out what you want and then check in with them to see what they want. Maybe you both want the same things. If you can’t see your relationship going any farther, that’s probably a sign that you aren’t really feeling it anymore.

“Are we moving too fast or too slow?”

If your relationship seems to be progressing a little too quickly, take a step back. It’s easy to get caught up in a new relationship, but zooming through one can be a dangerous game. In hindsight, maybe some of the things you’ve been doing with your partner will be things you’ll regret later. The danger of moving too fast in a relationship is how little you know the other person. They could just be using you, and you won’t realize it until it’s too late. Slow down and check in with them; see if you’re both in the same place. On the other side of the coin, you may be moving too slow. A relationship that moves at a snail’s pace can be unexciting and frustrating. Tell your partner about how you’re feeling and take some initiative to get things moving.

“When I have news, are they one of the first people I tell?”

Dating someone can be a lot like gaining a best friend. If your relationship is good, then you would probably tell them about news in your life as soon as you get the news. If your relationship isn’t doing well, you probably would tell other people first or forget to tell them at all. This is a sign that you and your partner are out of touch. This gives you two options: make an effort to get back in touch with them or end the relationship. You should be close to the person you’re with; if you’re not, then your relationship is beginning to fail.

Hopefully, these questions will help you figure out whether things are going well and you two should take the next step, or if things are going badly and you need to make some changes. You should always feel good about the relationship you’re in; it will help make every part of your life a lot nicer.


Rebecca Maher is a staff writer for The Daily Campus. She can be reached via email at rebecca.l.maher@uconn.edu.