Life Section Roundtable: “Jingle BOOM!” or “Jingle DOOM!?”

The boys are back at it again. The famed Costco Guys, A.J. and Big Justice are here to stay in the spotlight, but for how long is up to debate.

To celebrate the Christmas season, the duo and their family have released a new track titled “Jingle BOOM!” and it’s quite a divisive one. Based on the Life section’s previous review of “Still Bringin’ It,” people can appreciate the family’s wholesomeness, but are they still bringing it? Let’s find out what the Life section thinks. 

Ben Lassy, Life Editor (he/him/his): 

Have you ever been moved to tears by music? Have you ever wept as a chorus breaks in? Have you ever made “an antipasto / With the seven fish?” Well for the latter, I have mentally while listening to this song (and especially when A.J. sings that). 

I want to preface, that yes, the rumors are true: I gave the last Costco Guys release a rating in the negative millions. However, like Winston in “1984,” my thoughts have been corrected with this song. It is shockingly pleasant and an exceptional cross-section of what makes this odd American duo so appealing.  

First off, it is “Jingle Bells” musically. But the lyrics are fun and totally within the holiday spirit. I mean, come on, isn’t it a good message to: “In the new year, keep on bringin’ the boom the whole year round.” Yeah, the Rizzler and the Costco Guys family will undoubtedly keep their marketing schtick going into 2025 (and probably the next century when I’m a pile of dust), but get me in a van with the lads, and we’ll be shouting the chorus with the spirit of the Rizzler imbued within us. 

You know, I don’t even know what the seven fish are … but what I do know is this: I will be a boomer for the rest of my days.  

Rating: 5/5 Booms 

Noa Climor, Campus Correspondent (she/her/hers): 

Oh man, I am feeling the jingle doom in these tough times (finals season) so I hoped that the new song would raise my spirits and bring joy and peace to my heart. How wrong I was… how mistaken. I am flabbergasted; what on Earth is this song? 

The boom should be brought far, far away. Somehow, the Costco Guys missed. They flew too close to the sun, and their wings are being melted by the rays of the booming sun. I honestly don’t know how many puns I can get away with, but this was just absurd. The best time of the year? Holiday cheer? Where’s the cheer, I say, where’s the best time of the year? Not in this song. 

Now it is difficult to write a good holiday song, and even more so to not repeat your other music, especially when it comes to something that originated as a hit on TikTok. If you want real, beautiful holiday music, I would like to kindly direct you to Laufey’s “A Very Laufey Holiday!” which has lovely, gentle music that lulls you right into the holidays.  

I think I know who’s on Santa’s naughty list, and their own doom was brought upon them by the boom. 

Rating: 0/5 Booms  

Maleena Muzio, Staff Writer (she/her/hers): 

Dear Costco Guys, please stop making music! This song made “Dominick the Donkey” sound like a decent Christmas song — which is a horrifying statement. “Jingle BOOM!” is a song that children would not even want to annoy their parents with. The autotune is godawful and the voice of the screaming dad, or whoever he is, filled me with rage! But if you are looking for something dumb to laugh at with your friends at 3 a.m., this might be the song (and music video) for you.  

One of the lyrics is “Santa’s coming to town / Some of you are getting missed / ‘Cuz he read the comments / (Now you’re on the naughty list),” and to be honest, I think after this song, the Costco Guys should be the ones on the naughty list. Though, this review might unfortunately land me a spot with those nasty commenters.  

The Costco Guys somehow managed to make me feel even more agony than I already do during finals time. Thanks guys! I think I will stick to blasting “Last Christmas” every chance I get and avoid “Jingle BOOM!” at all costs this holiday season.  

Rating: 0.5/5 Booms (they tried … and I want to stay on the nice list) 

Abby Krim, Campus Correspondent (she/her/hers): 

I don’t even know where to start with this song. I’m going to be honest. When I heard that the Costco Guys released a Christmas song, I laughed out loud because in what world would that happen? Turns out, it would happen in this world! A few days ago, I gathered some friends to witness this momentous occasion. We pulled up the music video on the big screen in a classroom, and with tears already forming in our eyes, hit play. 

What followed was two minutes and forty-six seconds of horrified screams, numerous cries of “When does it end?” and probably more tears than is socially acceptable. If you aren’t an eight-year-old, or have the sense of humor of one, this song (and music video) probably isn’t your cup of tea. My conclusion is that while “Jingle BOOM!” is probably going to haunt your nightmares and TikTok algorithm for a few weeks, it’s better to just laugh at it so it doesn’t hurt as bad! 

Rating: 0/5 Booms 

Nick Sorokobi, Campus Correspondent (he/him/his): 

Earlier this past month, like many people my age, I was curled up in bed watching TikTok, munching away at a Costco-produced chicken bake and double chunk chocolate cookie, excited to listen to the new holiday singles released by one of my favorite social media personalities, A.J. and Big Justice. 

After discovering their previous song, “We Bring the BOOM!,” and watching many of their past videos online, I became almost glued to their channel, viewing some of their most popular clips over and over again. So, as one could imagine, when I heard they had a new wintery theme song out, I was looking forward to a catchy and rhythmic tune to jam to as I headed into the hustle and bustle of the last two weeks of school.  

But to be honest, I was thoroughly disappointed. In fact, I would rather go skiing with Gwyneth Paltrow this holiday season than be forced to listen to one more second of “Jingle BOOM!” 

I mean, what is this world coming to?  

Now, don’t get me wrong, I like A.J. and Big Justice a lot, but I felt that this was REALLY unnecessary. And sad. And cringey. And any other negative adjective you can think of. For one, A.J. simply belts out the lyrics like he’s some kind of angry truck driver careening down the New Jersey Turnpike. Mama Justice sings (sort of), but even she is just a tad bit off-key. Ashley has a decent voice, but some of the lyrics coming out of her mouth are just straight-up odd (i.e. “from the North Pole to Boca Raton”). And poor Big Justice, who can’t even manage to deliver just one single lyric and ACTUALLY SING IT at the same time. And whoever was cast as Santa in the background, I’m sorry you were hired to shoot a video that was not worth your while. Best of luck with your career.  

I’m no songster myself, but I know a bad tune when I hear one. And “Jingle BOOM!” certainly brought out the “Jingle Doom” in me during one of my favorite times of the year. For those who do choose to watch this video, feel free, but I’m warning you, it might set a downcast on your holiday season.  

Rating: 0/5 Booms 🙁 

Dan Stark, Staff Writer (he/him/his): 

I’ve been a huge fan of A.J., Big Justice and the rest of the “Costco Cinematic Universe” since they took over my TikTok feed this past summer. They’ve curated an incredible brand and have even expanded into the musical world with bangers like “We Bring The BOOM!” and “Still Bringin’ It.” When I heard the news that they put out a Christmas song, I was excited to hear the song I would be blasting this holiday season. 

But man, it’s fucking awful. 

Maybe it’s because they set the bar too high with their first two releases, but “Jingle BOOM!” is a massive disappointment. It’s almost as much of a letdown as “The Godfather Part III” was to its counterparts. Unlike the creative melodies and danceable rhythms of their first two singles, “Jingle BOOM!” is merely a spoof of “Jingle Bells” set over a backing track that I’m pretty sure I heard in a Honda commercial. 

The music just plugs along aimlessly, unlike the funky, driving beats that have defined their music. And then there’s the issue of the vocals. Ashley and Mama Justice are fine, but Big Justice simply sounds terrible. Even the outrageous amount of autotune used can’t fix his delivery. But at least he tried. A.J. didn’t even attempt to sing any of his lines, instead opting to just yell them.  

The Boca Beach Boys tried venturing to the North Pole, but sadly got lost along the way, resulting in this disaster of a track. The only thing that can save it is if they put out a remix that features the Rizzler.  

Rating: [with tears in my eyes] 0/5 Big Booms