I spent over 18 years of my life single. I was young, oblivious and stupid for most of it. To be fair, I largely still am, but I had a good few years when I was aware of the societal tragedy of being single and alone on Valentine’s Day.
Retrospectively, I think this is a bit silly. There are many benefits to being single, after all, and I’m not sure why being in a relationship is always touted as the goal.
In high school, I decided not to be bitter about it. Sure, I didn’t have a lover, but I still had people I loved — hello to my beloved friends because I know some of you are reading this. I was going to use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to celebrate them…and also annoy the shit out of them.
One might balk at the idea of this. Valentine’s Day is, after all, traditionally focused on romantic couples. Bringing friends into the mix is not romantic, usually. But to that I say: If you aren’t a little gay with your friends, are you really friends?
Secondly, Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love. That’s not limited to only romantic love, which is already constantly emphasized — so why should it hog it again on Valentine’s Day? Gatekeeping Valentine’s Day isn’t very loving. Thus, I decided to turn Valentine’s Day more into Palentine’s Day.
There are plenty of activities one could do to honor your friends on Valentine’s Day. You could make chocolate-covered strawberries together. You could get them a little gift, like a goodie bag or something. You could go get coffee, boba or a lovely dinner together. You could print out 100 pictures of their celebrity crush and tape them to their door. It doesn’t have to be grand. You know your friends better than I do — think of something that they would enjoy or that you both would enjoy together.
Historically, I have made cards for my friends. It was kind of my thing back in high school. I’d open up Canva, slap together a .PNG of something they were into at the time against a red background and type out “Happy Valentine’s Day” on the front. Then, I’d type out an inside joke or heartfelt message about how much I appreciated our friendship and them as a person on the back. Finally, I’d print and cut the whole thing out.
For the most part, even though they were just flimsy silly cards, people appreciated it every time. And I felt pleased that even with a gesture as small as a card, I’d managed to remind my friends how much they meant to me.
These past few years, though, I’ll admit it. I haven’t been celebrating Palentine’s as much. Not because I stopped being single, because for the most part, I haven’t, I’m just perpetually exhausted. Although I do have a partner now, I still think this year is as good as any to start celebrating Palentine’s again.
I still love my friends, and there still isn’t really another widely celebrated American holiday for showing love. Even if you or your friends don’t have someone who romantically loves you — you still have each other. You’re not totally loveless. So why not remind them how much you cherish them — and how much you cherish any opportunity to annoy them — this Valentine’s Day?