If we’re lucky in the Opinion section, we work through our beliefs completely and support them with great arguments. But sometimes, we don’t need a deeper reason or grand explanation to hold our convictions. Rapid Fire is for those short takes that can be explained in just a few sentences — no more justification needed.
Almost everyone has seen them around campus, and if you haven’t, I truly feel bad for you for missing one of the best parts of campus life. This introduction could of course only refer to some of the cutest critters on the University of Connecticut’s campus, the groundhogs. Everybody knows them, everyone loves them, but what do we call them? In today’s Rapid Fire, writers will be answering the questions: What name do you call the UConn groundhogs and where does that name come from?
Tomas Hinckley, Opinion Editor: I lived in Werth Tower my first two years as a UConn student, which means I was around the real first years of the famous groundhogs. When lil’ bro first started popping up, my friends and I would see him often from our lounge on the third floor, and somehow, people started calling him Mo. This was short for Mo’ Lester, which is frankly not at all a name I think this pure of heart creature deserved.
Colin Hamilton, Contributor: Living on Hilltop, we have proudly passed down the one, true legend of the groundhog presence on campus– that being that there is only one. Glorb, short for Glorbulac, is a trans-dimensional gopher from outer space, capable of manifesting himself in a variety of near copies across campus. Each of these simulacrums are part of a unique hive-mind and serve the purpose of allowing Glorb to experience the pleasures of eating clover at UConn twenty-fold. Glorb is love, Glorb is life.
Alex Trigo, Contributor: The groundhogs on campus are not “Glinda,” “Martin,” or any other name you’ve heard tossed around. They are, and always have been, Glorb. Not a Glorb, not the Glorb—just Glorb. To call them anything else is an act of slander against their true essence. Watch them waddle across the Hilltop Ramp, their little paws clutching onto their grassy snacks: Glorb. Hear their warning chips when an electric scooter zooms by: Glorb. It’s not just a name; it’s a state of being. They are Glorb, we are the witnesses, and the campus belongs to them.
Alexander Renzulli, Contributor: I’ll be honest, I’ve never seen a groundhog outside of my dorm. I have, however, seen one lurking in the bushes outside the Armory basketball court. For that reason, we’re naming this little baller Kareem Abdul-Gopher. I know my small guy is putting up at least 30 every game with the ROTC-ers, breaking their ankles and laying up a nasty sky hook. He’s going at least 60% from the paint and putting in the hours. Honestly, I’m proud of my little bro.