Hello everyone. Thank you for making it to my extremely voluntary assembly of sorts. Except I don’t really get to hear your responses, which makes it an “of sorts” kind of voluntary assembly. Unless you tweet at me, in which case I may still not get the message. So if you really want to respond, sending me a text would be the best version but it’s not appropriate etiquette to give out my cell phone. My next closest device would be GroupMe: @TeddyCraven. But these points about Juul are unquestionably correct in every way, so don’t try to complain to me. Thank you.
1. Is there any immediate danger that can be caused by the Juul?
If your first Juul of the day comes when you are driving, it is the equivalent of being 4-6 beers deep, depending on weight of course. It’s devastating. This is a hazard that the real world is completely unprepared for. If your first Juul of the day comes when you are driving with a car full of people playing loud music, you may as well be driving around a hearse.
2. Juul gives you headaches! (I say this in a dramatic fashion to grab the reader’s attention)
This is not researched past the fact that it gives me headaches so it must give at least like 20 percent of the Juul community headaches, 15 percent at a bare minimum. I may not be that representative, but at least like 15 percent representative of the Juul-to-Headache demographic.
3. ADDICTION (noun): this is never good
That is the dictionary definition translated by me without even looking at a definition, that’s how well I know the definition of addiction. The only response to this predicament is that it is better to be addicted to water vapor than smoke. Is this argument legitimate? You must consider this.
4. Does Juul get you kicked out of bars?
Yes. The guys at Huskies are constantly considering this. When you least expect it. This one is on the people Juuling in front of bouncers. I don’t understand why it’s not allowed either, but these are guys being payed to find you doing dumb things, so you have got to be aware.
5. Does Juul spread germs?
Yes, but we are in college; if you function outside of your room you are spreading germs at all times, no matter the circumstances. So we gotta just put on a brave face and do things outside. There are enough things to worry about (bears, sprained ankles, Dennis Rodman, etc.) instead of spending time thinking about spreading germs because of Juul.
6. Headrush when drinking
This cannot be avoided. I am pretty sure nicotine was invented for when you are drinking. I am not promoting drinking, or Juul, but the combination of both is something else. Just don’t do it in front of the Huskies bouncers.
7. Don’t Juul before interviews
This is a public service announcement: I know of someone who was Juuling in the lobby before an interview and they noted it as a reason for not taking him. I would never think people would think this is a remotely acceptable idea, but I guess some people do. Please don’t do this.
8. Social stigma?
Not really anymore. Vaping had a bad run in the last couple years when people were blowing massive clouds but the Juul is different. Smaller clouds and lower profile when in public is always a good thing.
Teddy Craven is a campus correspondent for The Daily Campus. He can be reached via email at firstname.lastname@example.org.