After almost six years, #Jerzday is back.
“Jersey Show: Family Vacation” premiered last night on MTV and honestly, I have a lot of questions. We’ll get to those in a minute, though.
The return of the hit show that ended in 2012 brought the famous roommates back together, and a lot has changed. Snooki and Jwoww are both married and have children. Pauly D is living out in Vegas and traveling around the world making a career as a DJ. Ronnie is also living in Vegas with his long-term girlfriend who he is expecting a child with. Deena is also back and married. Vinnie is, surprisingly, not living with his mother anymore and instead has a house with his girlfriend. His mom does, however, live right down the road and basically still takes care of him. Mike “The Situation” is the most changed. Since the show ended, he has quit drinking, smoking and has started to turn his life around. On the less surprising side, he is currently involved in a criminal case (again we’ll get to that). The only person from the original main crew who is not coming back is Sammi. Sammi was in a toxic relationship with Ronnie, and it was only after getting out of “Jersey Shore” that she was able to get to a better place, so good on her.
Remember how all the previous seasons were a bunch of chaos? This was exactly like that. Within 10 minutes of the gang getting back together, people were sloppily drunk and yelling about random stuff. Within the first night, Ronnie had already clogged the toilet and made a mess of the room that he will have to share with The Situation. During the first night, the gang headed out to the club and it went as well as you would think. Pauly D was the only who was really single, so he spent the night dancing up on one specific girl while Vinnie acted as his wingman. While the two of them were working on that, Snookie was getting plastered and the night only ended after Snookie drunkenly fell in the club and in the parking lot. It was just like old times.
Surprisingly, the most normal one in the whole show was “The Situation.” When the episode started out, the gang didn’t know if he would even make it to Miami because of his court case. When I first heard that, I thought it was for something bad. I mean, look at his history. He and Ronnie spent most of the later few seasons ripping off their shirts and duking it out with fists. So imagine my surprise when I learned he was arrested for tax evasion. About half-way through the episode, we learn he pleads guilty to his crime and will join the rest of the cast the next day.
When he eventually shows up, he’s so responsible it’s amazing. In fact, he even functions as the gang’s designated driver during one of their outings. I was frankly amazed.
The episode ended with the gang frantically looking for Snooki’s rings that she somehow lost after one of their dinner nights. Snooki herself said she wanted to leave. The question of her leaving is not the only one I had after watching this episode.
First and foremost, what the hell is with that Sammi doll? Like, who thought that was a good idea? I get that everyone wanted to make a joke of her not coming, but come-on a creepy mannequin, really? That’s like the maturity level of a bunch of 16-year-olds. The creepy touching of the doll by the boys and the drowning of the doll did not make things better.
Speaking of maturity levels, how are any of these guys actually adults? Most of them have their own homes, their own families and their own successful lives. Yet when you put them around each other, they turn into freaking animals. They are drinking till they have to be carried out of the club. They are making large enough messes that they are attracting ants. They can’t even use a toilet properly (looking at you Ronnie). If that’s what a functioning adult looks like, then I don’t think any of us have to be worried.
Finally, when we learned about The Situation’s situation, we got a glimpse of a golden retriever. Why did we not see more of that wonderful pupper? I could honestly not care less about what happens in Miami as long as I can see more of that dog. MTV, get on this.
In all honesty, the show is trash, but that’s what makes it good. Also for those keeping track, we are up to 35 fist pumps. “Jersey Shore: Family Vacation” continues next Thursday at 8 p.m. on MTV.