Aries: Energy is flowing, time to go for a hike, go to a party, dance with somebody you don’t know, play your music loud enough to irritate the RA but not so loud that they tell you to turn it down, try a food that scares you, run to class if walking takes too long. Mars is going the right direction again, and so are you.
Taurus: Take a deep breath. Between the crazy new bus routes, the new roommates, the changing construction, whatever the heck “McHugh” is, Northwest’s new hours and random things that are so different from the way things used to be, take note that the dining hall still serves those blue and white sprinkle cannolis and the traffic in front of the bookstore is still horrendous. Some things never change.
Gemini: Social media is probably one of the most unprecedented phenomena of our time. Back in the 19th century, electricity was pretty unprecedented too. Think about how large our glaciers would be if it still was.
Cancer: Watch out for Thursday, but other than that, have an amazing week, drink all the chocolate milk you want, choose comfort over style, listen to the Beatles and think of yellow as a feeling instead of just a color.
Leo: It’s show-off time. For outfits this week, I recommend a pair of sunglasses that make a statement, a pair of shoes that are chic but good for walking and something new you bought over the summer that will make everybody around you say, “aw, that’s so cute,” or if that’s too cutesie, maybe, “dude, sweet threads.”
Virgo: No need to worry this week, the sun is in your house. And the sun is literally in this house—the first week of school could not be any hotter. You’ll probably show up gross and sweaty to all your classes. And shout out to the bus system nobody understands yet which’ll probably make you late to class or get you lost down on Hunting Lodge Road or some equally irrelevant place and—hey, see what I did there. Stop worrying, it’ll be okay.
Libra: Watch a cheesy movie this weekend. A rom-com would be great, maybe something older like “When Harry Met Sally,” but if that’s not your style, just watch something like “The Princess Bride” and take your cheese with wine. You know, metaphorically speaking.
Scorpio: Call your mom this week. Even if you saw her last week, even if you saw her yesterday. That’s what the stars are telling you to do.
Sagittarius: Scavenger hunt: find a cow with a cool name, leave a rhyming note in the Swing Journal, check out the Summit and find your mailbox.
Capricorn: It’s go time. The dog days are over (cue Florence and the Machine), and you need to capitalize on this energy. Go to the gym, get a routine going, get ahead on your assignments, fill out your calendar, buy your textbooks for cheap online, schedule an appointment with Study Abroad and next week when all the motivation (Mars) is slipping away maybe some of it will stick.
Aquarius: This is sort of a useless week. Syllabi, not a lot of homework and not any events on campus. Sooooo . . . not much is gonna happen. But next week, it’s go time. Just get ready and relax. Don’t feel guilty if you click “next episode.”
Pisces: Go to the Fairfield Way TODAY between 11:30 a.m. and 12 p.m. and look for Athletics. You can thank me later.
Alex Houdeshell is a campus correspondent for The Daily Campus. She can be reached via email at email@example.com.