I was trying to get a head start on my column Sunday night and really struggling. I had some half-hearted things going about AAC football coaches and Virginia Tech losing to Old Dominion. Then, I remembered what my old editor Tyler Keating told me about columns: They can be whatever you want. And what I want to do is steal from Bill Simmons. Welcome to the Matt Barresi Patriots-Lions Sunday Night Football Diary (first hour only).
8:20: Welcome, Matt Barresi column readers, to the experience of a life time. You will get to watch an hour of football with me, Matt Barresi.
8:22: I am running late because my Internet has stopped working for some reason (but the Wi-Fi is good?). Yes, I have to stream the game online because my roommates and I cut the cord last year so we could save some money. We only used the TV for sports, and I figured I could just stream everything with my parent’s account. I was mostly right, but CBS decided to be a pain and charge. Thankfully the game is on NBC, yet I can’t pull it up.
8:24: My roommate is able to get the game up on the NBC Sports App on our Roku TV. It’s a 30-minute free trial, so we’ll see if it lasts the scope of this diary. I watched the Patriots-Texans game on the CBS Sports Roku App during Week One under what I thought was a free trial, but I think ended up costing me $9.99, even though I cancelled the account right after the game. And now my dad, who I know is reading this and who not too long ago sent me something saying he felt, for a college student, I managed my money well, is going to realize that is not always the case.
8:31: The Lions are driving.
My roommate: “Are they good?”
Me: “Not really.”
I hope I’m right.
It’s actually somewhat a neat story that my roommate is a big Pats fan. As big a fan as one who barely grasps the game can be. I think he adopted them from my passion, and the fact that he is a front running fan (Warriors, Real Madrid, etc.) but he has watched weekly for a year now, has bought the merch and even watched the last two Super Bowls alone when I abandoned him for other friends.
8:40: Brady and an open Phillip Dorsett just misconnected high on a third down forcing a three and out. I have Dorsett in fantasy this week after picking him up at like 5:00 when it was determined Josh Gordon was going to be inactive. I wish Gordon was playing, but I get it. What I don’t get is people who are out on the Gordon acquisition. It seems like an incredibly low risk, high reward to me. He has the potential to ball out, and if he screws up, he barely cost you anything.
8:47: The Lions are driving again. Going right at them. That’s what happens when your defensive backfield is Cyrus Jones and Jason McCourty.
My roommate: “Will you be pissed if they (New England) lose?”
Marvin Jones just caught a pass up the middle to set up a first and goal while running out the first quarter. They are primed to score again (goddamnit). Also, this new Kevin Hart movie looks very stupid.
8:53: I had to restart my laptop to get the Internet working so I missed this ridiculous Lions touchdown live. Whatever, I guess by the letter of the law it’s a touchdown, but it’s not an authentic one in my opinion. Replay has made everything too finite. On the bright side, with the Internet working, ole REDACTED@verizon.net came through, and I don’t have to worry about the free trial anymore. My roommate has discerned from all the typing that I am writing about the game. He doesn’t understand it, but I didn’t really try to explain it either.
8:57: Positive sentiments about the Patriots are few and far between on Twitter right now. I use Twitter a lot during games, but I don’t really know why. My room watches more of Instagram than of the game.
8:59: Josh Gordon is wearing an ugly jacket. The torso is blue, but the sleeves are red, and the Pats logo is way too tiny on the chest. The kick was just a touchback. I miss dynamic kick returns. Ellis Hobbs was my guy.
9:02: Another three and out, followed by a shifty and productive Lions punt return. It could be a long night. Is this the Patricia effect? Does he have Bill read like a book? I thought he was going to be a fine head coach, but he definitely had some terrible moments as defensive coordinator, and the Lions have gotten off to an abysmal start this season.
9:06: Stafford and the Lions just picked up their 10th first down. He is picking us apart. The opposite of what hap—FLEA FLICKER MID-TYPING ALERT—pened against the Jets. Flea flicker was incomplete but draws a penalty against the crummy secondary. The Patriots’ secondary is the Red Sox bullpen of this team.
9:10: Is Cris Collinsworth a good announcer? My column next week. The broadcast is actually fine. Al Michaels is getting up there, but he’s still got it. However, NBC is trying to make this green zone thing happen for some unfathomable reason. Who was asking for that again?
9:13: Stafford just made a nifty play to avoid a sack. Not too long ago, I was a Stafford fan and rode with him and Calvin Johnson as a duo in fantasy but I’m apathetic now.
9:15: Brady’s facial hair is not at its best right now.
9:17: Well, they held them to a field goal, surprisingly. If you said the game was 13-0 after an hour I would’ve said that’s pretty reasonable. In favor of the Lions? Not so much. This Patriots team really lacks playmakers and I miss Edelman. I mean they had to play Cyrus Jones tonight of all people. Wow I just crossed 1,000 words so I think I will sign off early. This is a student newspaper after all. I am a pessimist by nature but one thing I hold eternal, irrational confidence in is New England Patriots football. If you can read this whole diary, they can win this game. They did not.
Matt Barresi is a staff writer for The Daily Campus. He can be reached via email at email@example.com.