If you’re like me, you probably waited too long to figure out what your Halloween costume will be this year and are now staring the possibility of wearing an Odell jersey in hopes of at least getting some laughs at your expense.
But no fear, here’s a list of last-minute sports-themed Halloween costumes to salvage the spookiest day of the year.
Boston sports fans
As a fan of the Yankees and Giants, the only thing worse than the repeated suffering imposed by those teams in the past month has been the simultaneous success and excitement seemingly every Boston team ever. If you’re not a fan of Boston sports, simply wear as many rings, TB12 merchandise and tangible arrogance as possible—but be sure to explain to everyone you meet that you’ve suffered worse losses than anyone and the 2007 Super Bowl still haunts your dreams every night and therefore you’ve earned the endless championships of the Boston franchises. And if you are a fan of Boston sports, well, enjoy your World Series title in a few days.
Unless you’re a) a Syracuse fan or b) Jim Boeheim, you probably don’t like Jim Boeheim. On Wednesday, the Syracuse men’s basketball head coach made a salty remark about LeBron James stealing one of his recruits—because, y’know, athletes want to be paid—and then when LeBron himself called him out, responded with perhaps the saddest Tweet of all time. He wrapped the day of fantastic press coverage for his program by arguing that college athletes should never be paid and only he deserves to profit off his players. So for this one, you’ll want to go for an out-of-touch conceited old man, probably glasses with a bright orange polo and a sign that reads, “I have fewer championships than Tyler Olander.”
Giants offensive line
A garbage can. That’s it. Cut a hole in the bottom, probably mess it up, make zero effort to improve something that’s clearly inadequate and throw it on and hope it magically works out. It’s garbage, is what I’m saying.
Although the NHL’s newest mascot was initially ripped apart on social media as the stuff of nightmares, it has since become a fan favorite. It’s a difficult look to recreate, but it’ll be well worth the effort. Just cook some spaghetti, dye it orange and hot glue mass quantities to your face, along with some googly eyes. To truly play the part, violently break some stuff and attempt to convince people that regular season hockey is worth watching.
Early Tuesday morning, the backup Broncos QB stumbled into someone’s home, tried unsuccessfully to say words, was beat with a vacuum until he left, and was arrested. To add to the absurdity, he happened to be coming straight from a Broncos Wild West-themed party, so he was dressed in cowboy attire throughout the incident. Therefore, you’ll be dressing up as a cowboy (vacuum optional), which is nothing special, so this one you’ve gotta really sell. Make sure to plop down on the couch next to strangers and mumble incoherently, and continually disappoint every team that gives you a chance.
This is an easy one: simply skin a goat, drape the fur over your entire body, and you’re all set.