It’s easy to let yourself sit in your own despair over a lost relationship. When a relationship ends, your feelings toward your ex often don’t, and losing that kind of love and close friendship can be devastating. (Josep Ma. Rosell/Flickr Creative Commons)
It’s easy to let yourself sit in your own despair over a lost relationship. When a relationship ends, your feelings toward your ex often don’t, and losing that kind of love and close friendship can be devastating. Here’s some tips to help you move on and get over your ex.
To begin the moving on process, you first need to come to terms with your former relationship. First thing’s first: Breakups are almost always inevitable. This is especially true for those in serious college relationships. At this point in your life, you are young and have so much more growing up to do, and, frankly, you probably haven’t met a person who will be perfect for you in the long run. The reason your relationship didn’t work is because it wasn’t right for both of you. There’s no need to settle on a relationship that isn’t right. In addition to this, the breakup was likely neither of your faults (unless some cheating or other unsavory behavior was going on). While you may want to blame them or yourself, like creating successful relationships, breakups are a group effort. Plus, even though it may be hard to see now, later on you’ll realize your partner wasn’t as amazing and perfect as you thought they were.
Once you’ve come to terms with these aspects of your relationship, it’s time to come to terms with certain aspects of yourself. You will find regular sex and love again. Your worth is not tied to your relationship with another person. If anything, you are better off without them. If your opinion of yourself rests on the opinions of the people around you, then maybe it’s time to be single for a while and find a way to love yourself before you try loving someone else again. It’s also important to remember that what everyone says isn’t true: You do not have to be friends with your ex. It’s understandable why you might not want to hear about their new partner or make small talk when they’ve known you so intimately. Above all, you can hate them for a while, but eventually you need to let go of that anger and leave them behind. But friendship with them is never a requirement.
As soon as these aspects of yourself are realized, then you can start taking significant steps to move on. To avoid stalking your ex online so that you can move on with your life, take a break from social media. Delete the apps from your phone if you have to; just get rid of the temptation completely. You should also collect all reminders of your ex, whether they’re tiny notes or a couch you bought together, and put them away where you won’t have to see them anymore. If you lived with your ex, then maybe it’s time to move or crash with your friends for a while. Only when you have all reminders of them out of your life can you begin truly picturing your life without them. Seek support from your friends, go on a vacation and maybe seek professional help to get you over this emotional hump. It might help to make a bucket list of things you can do now that they’re out of your life. After all this, and only once you feel ready, the most important step you can take is to put yourself back out there. Fool around on Tinder, meet someone up for a blind date, shamelessly flirt with the hottie in your class. Embrace your singlehood!
If you have any questions or need any dating advice, feel free to contact me at rebecca.l.maher@uconn.edu. I’m positive other people are facing the same romantic problems as you, and would love to hear an answer.
Rebecca Maher is a staff writer for The Daily Campus. She can be reached via email at rebecca.l.maher@uconn.edu.
