If we’re lucky in the Opinion section, we work through our beliefs completely and support them with great arguments. But sometimes, we don’t need a deeper reason to hold our convictions. Rapid Fire is for those tweet-length takes that can be explained in just a sentence or two — no more justification needed.
In this Rapid Fire, writers gave their opinions on the question: If you could be queen of anything, what would you reign over?
Madeline Papcun, Opinion Editor: My answer might be a bit of a cop-out, as I’m pretty sure I’m already the queen of this, but definitely complicated relationships. I once saw a TikTok about wanting to be “the hardest person in all of history to eulogize” in the sense of having a cross-continental love affair with someone and then agreeing to edit their book, or investing in the start-up of someone that tried to run you over once years ago. The overwhelming desire to be nuanced and mysterious as the queen of complex relationships rules my daily life already.
Nell Srinath, Associate Opinion Editor: I would be the Queen of Alive Queens. I’m rocking the ability to be not dead (and not be racist while I’m at it) and I’m gonna flaunt it over the hundreds of unelected monarchs who just weren’t on my level. The only queen I revere is Hawaiian Queen Liliuokalani, who was illegally kidnapped and overthrown by American colonizers, who are also not on my level.
Keegan Reck, Staff Writer: My reign would be over the ideals of simplicity and mundanity. I strive to be concise and direct, which serve as my own aesthetic and personal values. Only the most succinct of all in my realm will be knighted.
Owen Silverman, Weekly Columnist: Meet your new Queen of the Mansfield water supply, who shall put forth the goal of distributing crisp and odorless water to all off-campus students. Fish will love me, landlords will fear me and tenants will bow down to their charitable monarch responsible for a better life devoid of thirst and eggy showers.
Harrison Raskin, Editor-in-Chief: Queen Bee. All I need to do is have kids – bees supposedly don’t feel pain, so it’s not as difficult as human birth – in exchange for infinite honey and I get to command an entire bee army. I could easily sting my human enemies, assuming I keep my human consciousness inside the bee body. If not, then I’m just stuck with the most chill bee life.
Sam Zelin, Managing Editor: This one’s easy, as I wouldn’t be the queen of anything. Monarchy of all kinds should be abolished. In an 1887 letter from John Emerich Edward Dalberg-Acton, 1st Baron Acton to Archbishop Mandell Creighton, Lord Acton stated that “Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely,” and what we need is a world with less corruption.