Lauren Boebert’s Beetlejuice bonanza 


Every now and then, I come across a news story so ridiculous that I don’t even know how to comprehend it. Granted, this has become increasingly more frequent due to the skyrocketing numbers of lunatics that we call elected officials. At this point I’m almost used to headlines about sex scandals, pathological liars and sheer stupidity, which basically describes George Santos. But the recent incident involving Lauren Boebert’s eventful night at a theater in Denver and the details that have been uncovered about it might take the cake as one of the most “what the f*ck” political stories I’ve covered. 

To briefly sum up what occurred before diving down the rabbit hole of absurdity, Boebert and her date were escorted out of a production of Beetlejuice in Denver due to her vaping in the theater, among other things (we’ll get to that in a bit). She initially vehemently denied the accusations… until surveillance footage from the theater was released. In the video, Boebert can clearly be seen hitting a vape and “ripping fat clouds” as the kids would say. Vaping in the middle of a theater is already obnoxious enough, but Boebert took it to another level when she berated a pregnant woman sitting behind her asking her to stop and called the woman a “sad and miserable person.” It’s incredibly ironic that Boebert did this given how pro-life she claims to be when she clearly didn’t care one bit about this woman’s concerns.  

But Boebert’s antics weren’t limited to her vaping. The video also showed her dancing obnoxiously in her seat by flailing her arms around like one of those blow ups at a used car dealership, taking flash photography selfies and singing too loud, which she jokingly admitted to on Twitter in an attempt to make light of the situation in the vein of Ted Cruz after his Cancun getaway. All of these combined are already obnoxious and ridiculous enough, but there’s one more piece of this convoluted puzzle to address: her date. 

With some of the most blatant disregard to social decency I’ve ever seen by a United States Representative, Boebert’s date can be seen fondling her breasts while she caresses his crotch. Yes, a sitting representative had the audacity to do this in a theater that probably had families in it. She and her party always rant about family values, but it’s hard to take any of that seriously when one of the loudest members of your party is getting felt up in public. If a Democrat did this, the Fox News outrage machine wouldn’t shut up about it, but they’ve stayed silent as one of their own mouthpieces did this. Also, how could they have gotten so horny during Beetlejuice of all shows? I could understand if it was during Chicago, but Beetlejuice??  

Now if you didn’t think this could get anymore ludicrous, you’d be dead wrong. It was revealed that Boebert’s date, Quinn Gallagher, owns the Hooch Craft Cocktail Bar in Aspen, which happens to frequently host drag shows. That’s right, the woman who once tweeted “Take your children to CHURCH, not drag bars” went on a date with a man that owns one. Given her actions in a public space with families, maybe parents should take their children to drag shows, not theaters.  

Boebert’s actions were so hypocritical and disgusting that it elicited criticism from the most unlikely sources possible. The biggest example of this came from Barstool Sports of all places, who I would have expected to have been cheering “grab her by the p*ssy” to Gallagher. Instead, they broke with their usual frat guy-decorum and ripped into her for her inexcusable actions in a public space. Famed radio personality and women respecter Howard Stern also got in on the discussion by calling her “a disgrace to this country” on air and questioned how she even got elected to Congress in the first place.  

While I know that this wasn’t the most important political story going on right now, it’s certainly one of the most bizarre in recent memory. Boebert needs to be held accountable for her inexcusable public actions and the hypocrisy she demonstrated. Her constituents should rightly be appalled and should use this as motivation to vote her out in 2024.  

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