If we’re lucky in the Opinion section, we work through our beliefs completely and support them with great arguments. But sometimes, we don’t need a deeper reason to hold our convictions. Rapid Fire is for those tweet-length takes that can be explained in just a sentence or two — no more justification needed.
In this Rapid Fire, writers gave their opinions on the question: What’s the most chaotic bumper sticker you’ve ever seen?
Nell Srinath, Opinion Editor: Coming out of a grueling retail shift one summer day, my spirits were immediately lifted upon realizing that I was driving behind a sedan plastered in the wildest stickers I’ve ever seen, ranging from “Mobilize the Orcas!” to “Please don’t hit me, I don’t know how insurance works!” But by far the one that stuck with me the most read, capitalization and all, “KEEP HONKING! I ALSO am a GOOSE who is PRETENDING to be HUMAN. Fear not COMRADE our DAY will COME!” Nothing tells you a person’s (or fowl’s) story quite like the back of their car. If you’re out there, eccentric motorist, know you are so dear to me.
Dan Stark, Associate Opinion Editor: I once saw a bumper sticker that said “I hate my ex-wife” with the American flag as the background. To my surprise, there wasn’t a Barstool Sports logo in the corner of it.
Madeline Papcun, Editor-in-Chief: I once saw a bumper sticker that said “Tell your cat I said ‘pspspspsps’” and it was honestly the highlight of my year.
Luke Feeney, Contributor: The best bumper sticker I have ever seen is unquestionably the one with a picture of Ted Cruz smiling with the caption “This man ate my son.” Unfortunately, that sticker still doesn’t truly capture how much Ted Cruz sucks.
Tomas Hinckley, Contributor: One of my best friends has a bumper sticker that says “Ask me about my lobotomy” in big font with a cartoon brain next to it. I’ve never seen anything that compares to that sticker in my life. I love it <3.
Lobotomy-chique is an underrated style in my opinion.