The University of Connecticut is alight with concerns over budget cuts. According to reporting by The Daily Campus, students, faculty and staff from UConn and other public colleges and universities directly addressed the legislature to testify about the potential harm of drastic cuts to higher education.
At Opinion, we often take on subjects with very serious implications for members of the UConn community, and threats to people’s livelihoods and academic departments are no exception. At the same time, there is a degree of absurdity to the financial hole that UConn has – state policy notwithstanding – dug for itself. Sometimes, comically large problems demand comical questions, which is why this week, we ask writers for the Opinion section: If UConn could have an auction to save money, what would it sell?
Nell Srinath, Opinion Editor: “Dates” with Jonathan the Husky would be a no-brainer. What better way to spend an evening than hanging out with Connecticut’s most famous canine? The benefits are what you make of them. Anyone could get an unparalleled photoshoot for the ‘Gram. Fans of rival basketball teams would make huge bids to dress him up in another school’s jersey. You could frame him for writing “ACAB” (all canines are beautiful) on Officer Tildy. Bids start at $75,000 and there are enough rich alumni who would give it a try.
Dan Stark, Associate Opinion Editor: UConn Athletics should corner the market on students re-selling free tickets at outrageous prices by starting to charge for student tickets. Students would hate it, but it’s a goldmine in plain sight that I’m shocked they haven’t tried yet
Tomas Hinckley, Weekly Columnist: Give the opportunity to every guy that thinks they could beat the Women’s basketball team for a price of a couple thousand dollars and we could have these “budget problems” sorted in a week or two.
Luke Feeney, Weekly Columnist: We should auction off parking services, those guys make so much money off students as is.