The Life section frequently has some hot takes about food. In a recent roundtable, writers ferociously defended their picks for the best and worst Thanksgiving sides, but now, pies, the classic Thanksgiving dessert have entered the arena. Pies come in all shapes and sizes, but standouts like fruit pies, pot pies and whipped cream pies all come to mind. How will Life writers navigate this wide-reaching genre of foods? Let’s find out.
Ben Lassy, Life Editor (he/him/his):
There is nothing like a delicious and hearty pie after a November meal, especially after the big turkey day. Yet for me, pies are like murder mysteries: There are a few that keep you entranced, but most get boring before you’re halfway through. So, as a person with picky pie preferences, below are the only two correct choices.
Best: apple pie. There are seldom moments in my life where I’m as intimate with my food as with a good slice (more like a scoop) of my nana’s apple pie recipe. From the fun of baking, which includes peeling and coring the apples with a magical little device, to eating it, this recipe is both memorable and delicious. In my opinion, this is peak pie.
Worst: anything with the word “tart” in it. Apparently, a tart is an open-faced pastry with a fruit filling, but far too often these vile baking creations are deemed “pies” by some non-nuanced dessert manufacturer. If it doesn’t have a crust, then don’t say you’re bringing a pie to the function. You’re bringing a tart, and that doesn’t belong at the family function.
James Fitzpatrick, Associate Life Editor (he/him/his):
My thoughts all depend on what can be considered a pie. Online discourse is inconclusive about whether cheesecake is a pie or a cake despite its name, so in the case that it’s a pie, all my marbles are on cheesecake. After a scrumptious Thanksgiving meal with rolls and casseroles, I don’t want something else that’s mostly flaky and bready.
If I had to choose a conventional pie, put me down for blueberry, blackberry or boysenberry pie. Not only do all of these contain incredible blue-ish fruit filling, but they also are the most compatible with pie crust, in my opinion. Apple pie is fine, though it’s only tolerable if it isn’t heated up and topped with ice cream, which isn’t always viable. The aforementioned pies are great when cold and with or without ice cream, making them a versatile option for a possibly large Thanksgiving occasion.
I alluded to this in yesterday’s roundtable, but pumpkin pie is cringe and bad. Its earthy taste doesn’t work with the creamy texture, and there’s no personality. Halloween is over. Get over it!
Noa Climor, Campus Correspondent (she/her/hers):
Pumpkin pie is evil and should not exist. I have nothing against pumpkin or pie, but the combination of the two is just so incredibly unfortunate. I do not understand how it can be so bland and have such texture, and why it is hailed as the best pie ever. But I digress … onto the best! All pies are better than pumpkin, but some are truly phenomenal.
Key lime pie? Elite, superb and has never been done before. A chocolate pecan pie can save lives, and I think good apple pie will heal the mind and body all at once! Honestly, the moral of this (for me) is that I need to go make pie right now. There are also odd pie flavors that I have yet to try, but it truly is about the texture of it all. On that note, we need to make goopless pecan pies. As soon as we do that, we’re in business.
We also have chicken pot pie, lemon meringue pie and many others. Is cheesecake a pie? Maybe. If it isn’t, then it’s just plain excellent and delicious.
What counts as pie anyway? Not pumpkin — that’s for sure.
Thatcher Slocum, Campus Correspondent (he/him/his):
Having eaten a grand total of around three slices of pie, spanning two varieties (apple and strawberry rhubarb), I have little authority to be rating pies. However, I decided to use this opportunity to consult friends, family and the internet to gain a comprehensive knowledge of Thanksgiving pies. I’ll be considering apple, cherry, chocolate cream, sweet potato, pecan, strawberry rhubarb and pumpkin pie.
Best: apple pie. This one gets high marks from me because it is so versatile. Cooked apple crisp on its own is delightful and goes well with plenty of savory spices, such as cinnamon, cloves, ginger or orange zest. Apples have the benefit of generally being less mushy and slimy than other fruits, such as peaches and cherries, and are naturally sweet, requiring the addition of a little extra sugar. Plus, there are so many different types of apples to choose from, making them so customizable.
Worst: pecan pie. I’m allergic to pecans, so it gets a low rating from me for obvious reasons. Even if I weren’t allergic, I’d still imagine being disappointed with a creamy custard pie with pecans when I could be having something far yummier, like chocolate cream pie, or far more in line with the seasonal festivities, like pumpkin pie.
Honorable mention: strawberry rhubarb. The sweet, soft strawberries strike a perfect contrast with the firmer, tart rhubarb for an excellent fruity pie.
Sarah Barker, Campus Correspondent (she/her/hers):
Best: Chicken pot pie, specifically Marie Callender’s (if I could add an emoji to this, I’d pick the one that looks like he’s creaming his jeans).
Worst: Literally any other pie. Why on Earth would you want to eat baked fruit?
Side note: What on Earth is rhubarb and why is it mingling with strawberries?