Noa Climor, Social Media and Outreach Coordinator, she/her/hers
“My friend over there thinks you’re cute” (and then you run to where you were pointing). A-Tier. Now this. If someone said that line to me, I would be sold immediately. Honestly, I think the funnier the pickup line the better they are, and this one would make me laugh.
“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” F-tier. Uncreative, been done before, not funny nor cute and would not get me at all. I think you must look within yourself and find that creative spark and come up with something better. Don’t fall for this cheesy line, for they did not fall from heaven either.
“I give you five out of five big booms” falls in the questionable tier category. Unfortunately, I would not be able to take anyone that said this to me seriously, but I would laugh, and maybe that’s the best thing you can get from this.
Mikayla Murphy, Campus Correspondent, she/her/hers
“Are you from Tennessee, because you’re the only 10 I see.” C-tier. It is overused to say the least, so it gets bumped down a tier. For a pickup line, I like the play on words, but it is not the most creative one out there. This pickup line could work but only if you say it with enough charm or swagger.
“Are you a beaver because… dam.” S-tier. 10/10. A+. I love this line. It makes me laugh every time I say it, so it gets extra points. I like the play on words, and I think it is more creative than the Tennessee one. Unfortunately, this line would work on me.
“You know what you would look good in? My arms.” C-tier. Cheesy and unoriginal. I think I am just not a fan of these types of pickup lines. There are better options if you are being serious, but I think this line could work if you say it in a joking manner.
Benjamin Lassy, Life Editor, he/him/his
“Are you a blaze? Because you burn me up.” C-tier. So, we begin my rankings strong with an amateur Minecraft pick up line. It’s great if you’re nerding out to blocks, but if your recipient hears this as “Are you ablaze?” instead, then pray they don’t call the fire department.
“You must be Toad because you always bring a smile to my face.” S-tier. I think I would faint if somebody told me this, it’s spot on love-filled stupidity. Now, it is a Super Mario reference, so there’s that caveat, plus the caveat that Toad is a little mushy dude. What are you saying about me punk?
“Are you a proboscis monkey? Because I’d like to nose-ome more about you sometime.” S-tier. Proboscis monkeys are the primate with the longest nose, but they are also sweet animals. If she knows monkeys, she’s a keeper and this line will land you with a date. This would work on me as well. I love the proboscis monkey profoundly.
Maleena Muzio, Staff Writer, she/her/hers
“Do you have a name? Or can I call you mine?” This is simply F-tier. Of course I have a name. And no, sadly (or gladly) you cannot call me yours the second you meet me. Sorry, strong feminist approach, but I do not mess with this pickup line.
“Are you a loan? Because you definitely have my interest.” I give this one a B. Maybe B+ if I am feeling generous. It is FAFSA season to be fair. But seriously, this one is cute and clever. It does come off as a little boring, lacking the boldness that makes pickup lines so funny. However, it unfortunately would probably work on me.
“How much did those pants cost? Because they are 100% off at mine.” A+. Amazing. Beautiful. Actually, a little creepy. Maybe even horrifying. I might call the police if it is said the wrong way. But if executed correctly, completely hilarious and a great conversation starter. The best way to impress someone is to make them laugh and this will definitely (hopefully) get people laughing.
Samantha Brody, Staff Writer, she/her/hers
“Be Mine”: F-tier. Okay, admittedly, this one is awful. It’s outright demanding and I wouldn’t call it much of a pickup line. So, it’s an F-tier — unless, of course, I’m the one saying it and it’s a clever reference to the bingo game I’m playing with my girlfriend. (They just called B-9!) Then it’s an S-tier.
“Hey girl, are you a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes”: This pickup line and anything in the same lane is a solid C-tier. It’s uncreative, but if you say it with enough pizzazz and charm, I could see it working. Any lame pickup line is improved if you say it like a dork.
Falling/tripping followed by something related to “I just fell for you”: I’m obsessed, actually. Arguably, all pickup lines only really work if you already have some sort of rapport. This one shows commitment, which is what people like in a relationship (I think). B-tier since you need to do it right and because it’s bad, but bonus points if you keep falling over.