Is choice feminism feminist? 

Female rage is when my eyeliner looks like sisters rather than twins. It’s okay that I’m overspending, after all, it’s just “girl math.” Of course, I’m sleeping in and skipping class; you can’t blame me, “I’m just a girl,” and so on, and so on. These little quips, while packaged as silly fun, have a darker undertone; they undermine your intelligence and agency as a woman. Choice feminism allows women to spread ideologies like “girl math” or “girl dinner” by making them believe that it is their feminist right to be able to say things like that, despite them being subtly insulting. There is a false pretense that these terminologies are empowering to say because they are coming out of a woman’s mouth. Well, isn’t that what feminism is about: the right to choose? 

I blame you, choice feminism, for allowing women to believe that every decision they make is inherently feminist simply because it was their own. Before the women’s liberation movement, choice was continuously denied to women. Women fought for the right not to be forced into marriage for financial gain, to work the jobs of our dreams, to vote and to live full, autonomous lives. So why is it that now, we’ve begun to unravel their hard work? 

We’re slipping back into outdated gender norms: girls belong at home, sitting pretty, while the big, manly husband brings home the bread. How is that feminist? 

To believe in choice feminism is to believe that every choice exists in a vacuum and that it doesn’t ripple outward, eventually reaching the rest of us. Whether we like it or not, women’s fates are interlocked. As long as some choose to remain within a patriarchal framework, we all remain stuck there too. 

Choice feminism is palatable. It is comforting. Many women gravitate toward it because it allows them to uphold the patriarchy without feeling like they’re betraying feminism. “I choose to be a trad wife” despite it promoting submission to men. Let’s package sex work to young women, encourage them to start OnlyFans accounts at 18, without giving life a true chance because it’s feminist, right? Of course, consent that is bought is empowering. How could it not be? 

In reality, the “I’m just a girl” and “girl math” trends are not just harmless fun; they are quietly ingrained, seemingly innocent ways to reinforce a structure that diminishes women and flatters men’s egos. No, you are not “just a girl”. You are a woman with dreams and aspirations. You need to wake up and realize this before it’s too late – before you are unable to go back. These choices you are making are not feminist, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. This horrid infantilization of women? I say no more. 

To believe in choice feminism is to believe the lie that all women are offered the same plate of choices. Take, for example, African American women, who are held to vastly different standards than white women. A white woman might be praised for remaining unshaven or not conforming, because she has never been masculinized for such choices. A Black woman, on the other hand, is under a microscopic lens and ridiculed for not looking “presentable,” despite looking just fine. 

In saying all this, I do not mean to shame women for their choices. We’ve been deprived of them long enough. I understand why many are drawn to choice feminism. It feels like freedom. But to act as if it hasn’t set us back, or won’t continue to do so, is dishonest. We should be encouraging women to take up more space in education, leadership and activism, especially in the high-risk times we are facing now. 

I am a feminist, and I too sometimes feel myself slipping into choice feminism. In a world where every decision seems to be shaped by patriarchy, I often wonder: 
Will we ever truly be free?