Here at Opinion, we have lots of arguments to make and articles to write. But sometimes, we need to step back and answer questions that have been on everyone’s mind. That’s why we have Roundtables!
Our question of the day is:
What would you do with the $99 million marked for the Gampel renovations?
Patrick Minnerly, OE (He/Him/His):
Good news, I now have $99 million. Bad news is, I’m hungry and I want to eat somewhere, but I’m not sure I like the options. That’s why I would spend the money on upgrading the dining halls. Is the South grilled cheese getting a little tiring? It never could, but what if it was made with five-star ingredients and the best-tasting bread anyone could ask for? With $99 million, all that and more could be everyone’s to enjoy. Also, I would really like if one of the dining halls had a rotating top floor with glass, just like the one at the Eiffel Tower, so you could enjoy the sights of UConn. We can make that happen, right?
Gianna Cassino, AOE (She/Her/Hers):
I’ve had a longtime dream of creating a found footage horror movie at UConn’s depot campus. Abandoned buildings, heavy metal tools, haunted puppet warehouses. . . what’s not to love? About $1 million would be used to fund and market my passion project, partially so I can afford the most incredible soundtrack to grace the planet and partially so I can pay my cast and crew of broke college students. The rest of the money would be donated to the puppet arts department for their troubles. If you’re with the puppet arts department and you’re reading this, I’m genuinely not kidding. I WILL give you my pitch. We can’t talk here. Email me.
Colin Hamilton, Weekly Columnist (He/Him/His):
With $99 million at my disposal, the possibilities are endless. The only thing more endless? The amount of lottery tickets that could be bought with such funds. Think about it. The Connecticut Powerball jackpot currently rests at $271 million; the Mega Millions jackpot sits slightly lower at 227 million. With ticket prices ranging from one to five dollars, the odds of winning both are surely within reach. I mean, come on. . . we’d be quadrupling our money if we won both. Which is totally manageable, right? I mean seriously; who would rig lottery odds?
In all seriousness, I would put this money back into UConn’s academic- and research-based programs — both of which have seen repeated cuts in funding the past decade. Though the AAUP is working hard to protect our university’s knowledge-based mission, the money could certainly do good in this fight.
Ayden Mirabella, Correspondent (He/Him/His):
Now, I don’t like to gamble, but I think there is a way I could double that money for UConn. I remember a quote from the Lego Batman movie, which goes a little something like this: “When playing roulette…. Always bet on black.” After delivering that quote, one of the best songs in cinematic history begins. Now, if I bet $99 million on black and win, I could break out into a song just like Lego Batman. I could also not pay my taxes like him. The university gets 198 million dollars to spend and I get remembered. Though, it should be noted that they must put my name on Gampel as a sign of respect, because I had the guts to “Always bet on black.”
Victoria Hancock, Staff Writer (She/Her/Hers):
Instead of using $99 million to make Gampel bald (rest in peace, Epcot ball), I would put it to my personal UConn passion project: reasonable parking. It is diabolical that the closest parking lot to South Campus — a prevalent upper-classroom housing –– is D Lot, a 15-minute walk. After that, it is the abyss of Hilltop. I would take the starter money and build parking garages and lots by every residence hall so that more students can have cars on campus and reasonable places to park them. No more long midnight walks across campus having to wallow in your thoughts. Now, we can all end our nights and start our mornings at a reasonable distance from a motorized vehicle.