New Year’s resolutions are a cultural staple in the United States. But as attractive as it is to use the auspicious holiday to set goals of self-improvement, resolutions can also be notoriously difficult to stick to. Thankfully, if there’s any group that is capable of making a promise and seeing it through, it’s American elected officials. This week, Opinion writers answer the question: What are the New Year’s resolutions of our politicians?
Nell Srinath, Opinion Editor: Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman, in a crusade to alienate even more of his base, will take a firm stance against hoodies and athletic shorts.
Dan Stark, Associate Opinion Editor: Nikki Haley, who will soon drop out of the presidential race, wants to declare war against anybody and everybody.
Luke Feeney, Weekly Columnist: Ron DeSantis, current governor of Florida, will learn how to smile and talk to human beings.
Tomas Hinckley, Weekly Columnist: Mitch McConnell plans to get his robot brain repaired so he can stop short-circuiting during press meetings.
Athena Brown, Contributor: Joe Biden wants to bulk up like the gym bro he is.