Entering March of my senior year at the University of Connecticut, I have felt an overwhelming sense of uncertainty and at first, I was not really sure why. Things have been going well, yet I have been feeling like I have been watching over my shoulder for something horrible to happen. While I was initially unsure of the origin of my unease, I recently pieced things together; I was in this exact situation four years ago.
Four years ago, I was entering March of my senior year in high school. In high school, I was an active member of the cross country and track team. Really, it became more than a team to me; my teammates were my best friends in high school and my favorite part of my day was going to practice. As previously mentioned, I was a late bloomer in high school, so I didn’t really come into my own until my senior year. That was when things started to click for my running — I was getting stronger and faster by the day.
The majority of my improvement was not the consequence of anything I did, instead it was often a result of trying to be as fast as my teammates. While our team was full of guys who were brilliant at a multitude of events, our senior year, our 4×800 relay shined on the track. These guys were electric — they basically trained together every day our senior year. It was evident when they raced. They won everything during the winter season. What made their success so enjoyable was that these were my best friends. I loved not only seeing them win, but the joy of winning you couldn’t buy that would follow.
While our 4×800 team was dominant at the town and county level, when it came to the state championships they were categorically unlucky. At the 2019 indoor state championships, they were a second short of earning all-state honors; at the outdoor state championships in the spring of that year, their leadoff runner was tripped up and they finished in last place because of it. So for the 2020 indoor state championship, their goal was simple: win the whole damn thing.
And the craziest thing happened: They did win. They utterly dominated, leaving the rest of the field in the dust, the anchor runner was able to jog through the line. I can honestly say that the immediate aftermath of that victory was one the most emotional moments of my entire life. Everyone was crying — parents, coaches, teammates — it didn’t matter. We all knew that what we just saw was special and we couldn’t wait for the future. Everyone was motivated for the next season wanting to live up to the title “State Champs.”
The world can have funny ways of blowing up our expectations for the future. Just a week after the State Championship, Governor Andrew Cuomo signed an executive order closing all schools down in the state for two weeks. Just like that, all the promises of spring were ripped away as we stayed inside. The worst part of COVID-19 for me wasn’t missing out on prom, graduation or even the last day of classes. I could deal without any of that, but knowing I would never go to another track practice was crushing. Having something so important to my sense of self be gone just like that, with no payoff, felt inconceivable.
I remember the day it was announced that spring sports were canceled, ending my track career. I didn’t want to eat or drink and I could barely sleep. It felt like the world was ending. That’s why I was so fearful of March 2024; I am afraid of having everything I am looking forward to just be ripped away from me while I am powerless to do anything about it, much like March 2020.
But here’s the thing, the world didn’t end during COVID-19 and, even if it feels like it, the world isn’t ending now. I’m not a member of a track team, but I still run when I can. I won’t ever go to track practice again, but at least I can see all of my former teammates when we are home. We’ve made countless lifelong memories together since graduating.
I may have missed the end of my senior year, but getting to watch my little brother during his senior year has been one of the coolest things I’ve gotten to experience. So instead of being fearful this March, I’m just going to sit back, smell the roses and enjoy the ride with you all.