One of my biggest creative inspirations is “Inside” by Bo Burnham. I’ve alluded to the fact that for the first two years of my college career, I felt more or less trapped inside — be it from COVID-19, diabetes, depression or the occasional day of bad weather.
Of all the moments within the special, the moment that I found the most relatable to was the final lines of the show: “Well, well, look who’s inside again. Went out to look for a reason to hide again. Well, well, buddy, you found it. Now come out with your hands up, we’ve got you surrounded.”
I think I found so much comfort in this line because over my first three years at college I would feel like every time I tried to interact with the outside world — be it socially, professionally or academically — it would reinforce my desire to stay inside. It was familiar.
There was similarity between viewer and performer. Burnham has been vocal about his struggles with performance anxiety, specifically panic attacks — which is something that has plagued my life as well. I’ve had panic attacks during tests, class and presentations. All I can say is that they suck.
My attacks were so closely intertwined with performance that I didn’t feel qualified to do anything. But one organization really made me change my stance on staying inside: The Daily Campus. My first ever article that I wrote here took me almost 10 hours to write; I felt so nervous to the point where I almost canceled my submission because I was so convinced no one would read it.
This was one of the few moments in my life when I turned out to be dead wrong. It helped that my family was over the moon for me to be finally getting published – something they wanted since I began at UConn — but I also got positive feedback from classmates and peers.
For the majority of my life, I viewed writing as an inherently individualistic process; your ideas, your words and your name on the piece of paper. However, this organization made me realize that I was, in fact, wrong again!
Working with the most talented section at the campus (in my humble opinion) on a weekly basis not only made my writing process more efficient, but the ideas my fellow opinion section members pitched influenced my own ideas as well. The more I expanded the circle of people to work with, the better it made me.
Now, as I sing my swan song, I can say with confidence that I am not leaving college deciding to stay inside. Writing for this paper, rediscovering my love for this process, has made me want to stay outside.
So, to Maddie, Nell, Dan and Tomas: I know my attendance was crappy at best, but you guys were the best coworkers I’ve had. I could not have asked for a better group of people to introduce me to collaborative journalism. I wish we could have another semester together; but then again, given the budgetary hell the University of Connecticut is about to enter, I’m okay with getting out of here.
You guys are the best. I love you. To future Daily Campus employees: In this section or any other, I encourage you to keep trying to explore your interests while holding this beautiful, dark, twisted fantasy of an institution accountable for the almost daily bullshit they try to pull on their students.
Anyways, it was real and it was good. Be sure to read Feeney’s Focus! That’s all folks! I will see you outside.