Word on the street is University of Connecticut president Radenka Maric’s contract may not be renewed. While Maric’s contract renewal has not been confirmed at this time, the Opinion section is primed to weigh in. Today, our writers answer the question: If not Radenka Maric, who should UConn’s next president be?
Please note that speculation regarding the state of Maric’s contract renewal is based on the statements of individual members of the Board of Trustees. The Opinion section exists to comment on what may or may not be occurring — if you want breaking news, turn to the front page of the newspaper.
Colin Hamilton, Weekly Columnist He/Him/His cjz24004@uconn.edu
Hope. What is hope? The reckless optimism that has come in with the tide of the midterm’s blue wave? The Dickinsonian thing with feathers? The campaign slogan of the Obama campaigns? Regardless of your chosen allusion, UConn needs more of it. We’ve gone (two) too many years without a basketball championship win; our pavilion has been defaced by the sacrilege of a corporate sponsorship, our research programs have been defunded and maybe I’m crazy, but the gluten-free food selection has been getting worse. Who can bring hope back to our campus, you may ask? Who can fix the many issues mentioned in this disjointed rant, written during my ENGL-3613 class?
Alexander Renzulli. Photographer extraordinaire, champion of retro-mascots and savior of our section’s tendency to be doomers. Elevators fear him, stairs love him and the people yearn for him. Goodbye Dr. Maric: Our future lies with a sophomore digital media and design major with a love of backwards hats.
Maddie Sparta, Staff Writer
She/Her/Hers mks23006@uconn.edu
My pitch is for the current leader of the Eastern European country Latveria, Victor von Doom, to become UConn’s next president. Prolific in both his scientific pursuits and sorcery, Doom would place a renewed focus on education in his coming presidency. If he introduced a sorcery program to the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, I would definitely consider a dark magic minor. Doom would also increase our chances at meeting superheroes; his presence at UConn would make us a Fantastic Four magnet, and I personally would love to meet Johnny Storm (Johnny, if you’re reading this: call me). Sure, he might disappear for months to hunt down Reed Richards, but at least he wouldn’t hunt down student activists! Just don’t let him near Mirror Lake. He doesn’t like seeing his reflection.
Ayden Mirabella Contributor He/Him/His zwj24003@uconn.edu
My personal vote is a little-known person, Madenka Raric. If r/cultofRaric is to be trusted, Madenka hails from everywhere and anywhere throughout time. Roman scribes report Raric aiding in the killing of Caesar, Arabic text from the Mongol siege of Baghdad places Raric burning the House of Wisdom, Byzantine monks report Raric was Sultan Mehmed II, leading the siege of Constantinople and just today, historians at Squidward Community College concretely proved that Raric was both Archduke Franz Ferdinand and Gavrilo Princip. If Raric can be everywhere and anywhere, why not invite them to become UConn’s next president? Raric can kill Caesar, torch Baghdad, conquer the Byzantines and both assassinate the Archduke and be the Archduke. Why not give UConn a try?
Dria Rybczyk, Contributor, They/Them/Theirs, alexander.rybczyk@uconn.edu
I wholeheartedly endorse my cat, Cleo. You may be thinking, “But she’s just a cat. What could she do to improve UConn?” Well, believe me, she has many paw-lifications to her name. For one, she has a very fluffy coat and a cute smile, a surefire way to increase morale across campus. Second, she’s constantly on the hunt for something around my house. I may have no idea what she’s trying to find, but it’s a testament to the dedication she has to her work. Additionally, I’ve tried to bribe her to attack her political opponent — my other cat — but she never takes it, instead choosing to bite George Washington’s face. Refusing bribes and upending the establishment are both very appealing qualities to me now that I’m in my fourth year here. Finally, the best qualification for any university president: Cleo doesn’t support the Israeli government or the military-industrial complex.
Patrick Minnerly, Opinion Editor (He/him/his) patrick.minnerly@uconn.edu
There’s only one candidate to replace Radenka Maric as president of the University of Connecticut. Only one candidate who can unite the disparate elements of UConn and bring them all together. That candidate is Jonathan the Husky, 15th of his name, King of the Storrs, Mansfield and Horsebarn Hill, Lord of Gampel (NOT M&T Bank Center) and Protector of the Rent. He is a good boy who deserves all the treats and also to be president of UConn. No further questions, Your Honor.
Alexander Renzulli, Opinion Staff (He/Him/His), alexander.renzulli@uconn.edu
I, Alexander (not Alex, but do as you wish, DC) Ferrar Renzulli, would like to announce my bid for the next president of THE University of Connecticut. As the man who allegedly knows everyone on campus, I think I’d be a man of the people. I’d like to think I’m funny, and in the contemporary era of politics, isn’t a crude sense of humor and the ability to clip farm on Reels all you really need? Together, with me at the helm, we’ll be making this campus more performative and just a little more brazen. In any case, I have concepts of a plan, so with the endorsement of esteemed eco-warrior and a particular “mailman’s” biggest supporter, Colin Hamilton, I think I’ll throw my corduroy yellow hat into the ring. Also, free puppies and a gumball for everyone.