To whom it may concern,
My name is Sean Rose (CLAS ‘09), and as you all know by now, a former resident of the glorious dorm known as Towers. Once again, I feel compelled to apologize to anyone who had to read Mr. Stephen Winchell’s (CLAS ‘08) tawdry previous letter. Trying to compare me to Trump! Oh the irony, Winchell! A loutish, crude, slovenly man such as yourself comparing ME to Donald Trump. Heck, if anything, Trump should be a hero to West! A rude, cretinous failure who deserves immediate removal from the pages of history? Why haven’t you built a statue of this guy next to your trashy gazebo?
But I won’t go down that road. Instead, I want to speak to you, directly. Yes, you, the Student Body of the University of Connecticut. You have read the correspondence between me and Mr. Winchell over the past semester, and are gearing up to leave for winter break. And if you’re returning in the spring, you’re going to have a lot of time to contemplate what you’ve read here, in the fine pages of the Daily Campus. And you’re going to have to ask yourselves that one, big question, the conclusion that we’ve all come to collectively: if we have Towers, who needs West? Why not just demolish it? Blot out that disgusting stink pit, and kick everyone who lives there off campus?
I’ve asked myself this question, many times. And I have an answer. In 2019, thanks to some trustworthy connections, I will be launching an initiative to do exactly this. We’re finally going to take action! West will be gone.
If you’re a West resident, I ask you to ask yourself this question: if you’re part of some pathetic “resistance” (as Mr. Winchell rattles on about in his letter), why should you fight this? Why defend your repulsive home? I think Mr. Winchell himself, through his horrible, stupid letters, has made it fairly clear that West no longer deserves space on UConn’s fine campus. There is no point fighting this. Lay down your arms.
And if you’re looking for someone to blame? Look no further than Mr. Stephen Winchell. If he had kept his foolish mouth shut, none of this would have happened. Some Hero of West!
Goodbye, West. And good riddance. Towers Wins.