What a time to be alive. The Costco Guys, A.J. and Big Justice, have released a one-minute song glazing basketball legend LeBron James, titled “LeBron’s a BOOM!” Their motives are unclear, but their musical talent has been cemented by this certified banger. Do the Guys want courtside tickets to every Lakers game or is this the motivation LeBron needs to start a music career with his kids? Either way, the Life section has you covered with five reviews, one for each BOOM! this song deserves.
Ayyan Tamjeed, Campus Correspondent (he/him/his):
I have an exam in an hour’s time, but instead of reviewing for that, I’ll talk about the best song in the universe instead.
This song is like two stars colliding, as you have some of the best hitmakers in the business writing hooks about undoubtedly the best basketball player ever, LeBron James. They carry that same Beastie Boys-style production from their previous songs — Beastie Boys revival, when? But the standout feature of this song is definitely the songwriting.
“Yeah, he’s on the attack / He even plays on the same court as Shaq!” is a great setup and punchline and a good way to highlight LeBron’s stature within the game by comparing him to all-time great Shaquille O’Neal. These are some of the best bars I’ve heard in my life. Watch out Kendrick: you got a challenger for your throne.
Rating: One LeBronian Booms/5
Noa Climor, Social Media Outreach Coordinator (she/her/hers):
Hey Rizzler Enthusiast … I hope this review is to your satisfaction. I think that you can’t go wrong with LeBron, for he is simply too cool. You know, I really think I underestimated the superb writing skills of the Costco Guys and LePookie. This is some great stuff.
I am getting the vibe that they know exactly what the fans want, and they aspire to keep us on our toes. This is some March Madness level stuff — and they are in my bracket.
Rating: MANY BIG BOOMS/5
Maleena Muzio, Staff Writer (she/her/hers):
Although I’m typically a hater of the Costco Guys,“LeBron’s a BOOM” has provided me with a change of heart. The song is a short and sweet lyrical masterpiece. Who loves basketball more than UConn students? I might go out on a limb here and say that the Costco Guys may have made this song for us. It feels so personal. SO beautiful. SO … LeBron.
The catchy chorus has totally taken over my brain. The first time I heard this song, I was so inspired that I hung up a picture of the Costco Guys next to my LeBron shrine. The Shaq reference was superb. No other group could do justice to the king himself like the Costco Guys did. Don’t even get me started on the instrumentals. I’m getting very ‘60s cool girl energy. The coolness of the song matches the topic perfectly, the cool-god himself: LeBron.
Rating: 100 Shaq-Sized Booms/5
Dan Stark, Staff Writer (he/him/his):
I’ve considered myself an amateur songwriter for years, but hearing this song made me give up on writing. I felt the same way listening to “LeBron’s a BOOM!” the same way Brian Wilson did when he first heard “Strawberry Fields Forever.” I never thought I’d see the day where a song would combine my two favorite things: the Costco Guys and my glorious king LePookie Bear.
Some would call it glazing, but when it comes to a Demigod like LeBron James, there’s no such thing as too much praise. I can’t even be mad that they used the same instrumental as “We Bring the BOOM!” To quote Mike Love, “don’t fuck with the formula,” especially when it’s as good as this.
Simply put, this is the Mount Everest of popular music, and I can confidently say that the human race will never come close to the heights of “LeBron’s a BOOM!” ever again.
Rating: INFINITE BOOMS/5
Bonnibel Lilith Rampertab, Staff Writer (she/her/hers):
March Madness was the perfect time to shoot this three-pointer of a song. The Vine sensation LeBron James finally has a true anthem to his name thanks to the Costco Guys.! Fireworks and explosive prices have skyrocketed due to increased demand. But enough exposition: The song makes my brain boom in the best ways possible.
The guitar is enthralling, and the drums would make Zach Hill sweat. Everyone forgets about the bass, so we don’t need to mention it. The vocals, however, feel immersive. It feels like you’re really there with A.J. and Big Justice. LeBron, when you retire, you’ll be honored to have this song carry the legacy of the 23.
Rating: 23/5
It seems I have an imposter or two running amuck the Life Section, so I feel compelled to give my thoughts on this matter before another takes my place.
This is the first time the Life Section has given A.J. & Big Justice unanimous praise. I should be happy. After all, I am a fan of the Costco Guys, who recently acquired WHUS Radio so they can BOOM! all over the locality.
But, as always, you all missed a crucial point. Without The Rizzler as the creative mastermind for their music, the Costco Guys tend to stray from their purpose and succumb to the serpent in Eden. FaZe Rug was the warning sign of what was to come. And LeBron? The final straw.
I can’t blame the dynamic duo, who are incredibly busy, for falling for the propaganda campaign from LeBron’s glazers. But you “music critics” should recognize faulty subject matter when you see it. The Costco Guys are just better than the overhyped star. LeBron is worth 3 BOOMS! at best.
Just look at Wilt Chamberlain, the 2nd greatest basketball player of all time. 100 points in a single game. The only quintuple double achieved in the NBA. And he slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. That, dear Life Section, is a statline deserving of 5 BIG BOOMS!
Ridiculous