Halloweekend is over and that means we have entered the last stage of the semester, the stressful time during which these weeks seem to move at a breakneck pace towards finals week. Exams, projects, essays and whatever they do in those fine arts majors are all starting to pile up all at once. To get through this, students tend to follow a variety of different methods to persist, though some of these aren’t as successful as others. So, this week, we’re asking the Opinion Section the question: What are your worst study tips for the end of the semester?
Patrick Minnerly, Associate Opinion Editor: I urge prospective studiers to embrace the delicate, high-wire act of procrastination. Why prepare early? That’s a lot of work that might not even help. Instead, you should wait until the day before that big exam or essay to start working. This will give you the proper motivation and instill you with an awe-inspiring burst of nervous energy and give your mind the enormously fun whiplash of thinking you can’t possibly get all of this work done before getting it done after all! The only way to discover how powerful your brain can be is to put it under a massive stress test that makes you question your very sanity. So, try it! It’s fun, I promise.
Colin Hamilton, Staff Writer: As the exam rush begins once more, frazzle-brained students seeking an effective study method are encouraged to try a more captivating format: One in which notes are put side-by-side with silent, looping videos of Subway Surfers gameplay. As your eyes glaze over from the long hours of studying, allow your interest to drift towards the endless, soul-sucking mundanity of the recycled footage. Before you know it, countless hours have passed. You’ll have watched the pixelated tagger get caught an innumerable amount of times. But those wasted hours still count as “studying,” right?
Sawyer Brown, Campus Correspondent: As someone with a history of frantically cramming before tests regardless of my level of preparation, I’ve collected a plethora of extremely unhealthy and only slightly effective study strategies. My personal favorite is “the sleep-study sandwich.” The night before a substantial exam or project, work into the wee hours of morning — 4 a.m. or 5 a.m. usually does the trick — then, sleep for maybe an hour or so before rising begrudgingly to continue whittling away at your work. It provides the illusion of rest, proving especially useful for keeping your sanity when the rigor of the academic world forces you to reuse this hack multiple days in a row.
Tomas Hinckley, Opinion Editor: If there’s one company I’d be willing to sell out for, it’s undoubtedly Monster Energy. And that is exactly what I plan on doing right here and now! When I need to lock-in, I always got a Monster in my hand. Do I worry about my heart health in future? No! Should I? Probably! But I don’t care! Essays and readings get destroyed when I have a Monster in my hand, it’s incredible. Everyone should drink Monster to study; there are absolutely no consequences to that daily choice! It’s free energy with absolutely NO drawbacks! That’s my tip!
Miranda Nogueda, Contributor: As Halloween is over, and the cozy days approach, I would encourage all students to fall asleep watching movies in the comfort of their bed. Underneath warm chunky blankets, with fuzzy socks and a cup of hot chocolate on the side; all to take a little stress off as you patiently wait for your next exam to dawn upon you. This works best when you forget to set an alarm for the next day, wake up too late and procrastinate throughout the entire day, lying in bed and skipping classes. Repeat this method until the night before your exam for the best results.
Bonnibel Lilith Rampertab, Campus Correspondent: Don’t take breaks. Ever. Taking breaks are actually bad for your mental health, according to a recent study. Not only this, but the Pomodoro technique, the beautiful golden child of study tips that allegedly helps you optimize your time studying, is a psy-op meant to retain students instead of allowing them to graduate and encourages gratuitous dopamine and serotonin when on break. Don’t eat or drink liquids at all while studying, either. The stomach rumbling and the dry mouth will keep you alert. And don’t even think about getting eight hours of sleep before the exam. Not even six hours, two will do.
Gabrielle Wincherhern, Contributor: Skip class. I know what everyone says: “You’re paying for those classes, you should go!” “Once you start, you’ll never stop!” These are flimsy excuses fed to you by those who want to hog the joys of skipping all to themselves. There are so many other things you could be doing with that time, like sleeping, or catching up on everything you missed from all the other times you skipped class (or telling yourself that’s what you’re going to do and then scrolling for five hours). So don’t go to class. What are you even going to do there? Learn?