Rapid Fire: Combining animals

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In this week’s Rapid Fire, writers describe the animals they would create by combining other animals. Illustration by Steven Coleman/The Daily Campus

If we’re lucky in the Opinion section, we work through our beliefs completely and support them with great arguments. But sometimes, we don’t need a deeper reason to hold our convictions. Rapid Fire is for those tweet-length takes that can be explained in just a sentence or two — no more justification needed.  

In this Rapid Fire, writers gave their opinions on the question: If you could fuse two animals together to make a new species, what would you create and why? 

Madeline Papcun, Opinion Editor: Okay, hear me out: the head of a snake, on the body of a squirrel, fluffy tail and all. A squake, if you will. Just the name makes me laugh, but I have to admit, if I ever saw one in real life, I’d probably run screaming.  

Harrison Raskin, Editor in Chief: Even though I would never usurp God’s powers (Genesis 1:21), if forced I would revive the wooly mammoth and fuse it with the mosquito. Mammoths would take the size and wings of the mosquito, but would retain its tusks and soft trunk. They would fly and attempt to penetrate our flesh, only gently sucking, eternally bloodthirsty and harmless.  

Owen Silverman, Weekly Columnist: Shark and horse. Shorse.  

Keegan Reck, Staff Writer: The American eagle and American bison, for an extra patriotic living symbol of the United States of America.  

Dan Stark, Weekly Columnist: A bulldog and a shih tzu. I think you know where I’m going with this. 

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